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January 2005
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I've been up to some out the moonie-ordinary lately. But no worries, the gear have shifted back to its original position. Fate has decreed. My face dah chop 'nurse'. Heh. It was a refreshing experience though, and for a moment there, I wondered if I was in the Singapore Idol queue.

4 weeks have elapsed since my first day of PRCP. Initally, it was overwhelming. But now, i've settled in and bonded with the staff there. =) My confidence is slowly building and I no longer hesitate to tamper with the tubes and whatknots. I jump at every opportunity to perform an invasive procedure. Hehehe. have less than fourteen days left and hopefully, everything will end well. I wish to see a complete NR0416 on graduation day, so you all better pass! =D

I finally met up with my makcik in crime. Oh, I miss her and the others. We had so much to tell one another but then when we see each other, we forget what to say, Aiyo! Kalah, mata air you. She became my 15 minute tour guide of SGH, and i had the opportunity to peek into the ward she was posted to. =) I like SGH wards post-renovation. Very airy and cosy. =) Anway, happy 20th girlie! Belated birthday treat and prezzie coming alrite, I promise!

I'm going for the NUS interview on May 4th. Ooh, I want this degree so bad. Pray for me =)

I thought I could not make it back home today. Haaha.

I thought it was going to be just another cab ride home. Boy, was I wrong.

The cab swerved to the left and to the right because the driver was gradually losing consciousness. Btw, I was oblivious to the whole swerving thing (how dumb!) and I couldn't see that the driver was gradually losing consciousness as i was sitting directly behind him. Thank heavens my mum was alert.

She wanted to cab to stop because it was dangerous but the driver insisted he was okay (at expressway somemore). When we probed further, he told us that he had just recovered from a stroke and had just taken his anti-hypertensive medication. But still, he insisted he was fine. I just wanted to leave the cab, I tell you. Even though he claimed he was fine, we could see that his left side was weaker now as he seems to be having difficulty manipulating the gear and he kept supporting his left cheek .

I've never clasped the safety belt so tightly before. Takot mati sey! Haaha. It's not that lar. Aiyo, when you've posted to EMD, this is what happens. Your imagination just runs wild. :P

Maybe he had a transient ischemic attack? Sheesh. I do hope he rests for now and don't take anymore passengers. He will be endangering both his passengers and his lives.

How was attachment, you may ask?

Hmm.... The whole of last week was spent on orientation and information loading. And this week, first 2 days were spent buddying with the preceptor and I've only started to take a simple case today. Wow, so much time wasted (for the lack of a better word). I feel as if i'm trailing far behind, as compared to those attached to the wards.


So much for requesting to be posted in a specialised unit.


I'm beginning to doubt my ability. Or maybe I'm just not prepared (enough)? A simple case of PCI and I couldn't understand the whole case in depth. Add a little bit of complication and im out of sorts already.


Stress level is building


And i've never been good in arithmetic. Drug calculation can be quite an uphill task. To make it worse, the preceptor just went on babbling like, oh you take 18 mg, something, something then, final 30mls of normal saline. So, its 1ml = 10mg. Yeah right, as if i get you. I didn't dare to probe further because that preceptor, oh well, she has her mood swings. Got to clarify again soon.


Dopamine, Dobutrex, Nor-adrenaline, mcg/kg/min, alarms, pvc, sinus tachy, asystole


I had a collapse case yesterday. It was a first for me, to observe an active resuscitation. The atmosphere is different from that in the EMD. To see the heart rate drop from the hundreds to the tens. To see how the MO and NOs tried to access all the possible lines from every part of the body. To see the ECG showing rythms (PEA) but no pulse can be felt. To see the nurse jump on the bed and start her chest compressions. To participate in dilution of adrenaline. To see the whole team coordinating their efforts to ensure smooth progress of the resuscitation.

It was an eye-opener. I missed the opportunity to perform the chest compression because I hesitated. Overwhelmed by fear and lack of confidence. A pity, I know. Oh well.........


The patient passed away after almost an hour (i think) of resuscitation. Inallilah.


Being in this specialised unit allowed to me see the fragility of life. You could be talking/eating one moment but they next, you could be lying flat on the bed, life hanging by the thread.

I need to be more vigilant. I need to learn to prioritize. I need to pass my PRCP.

I wish you were here
for you would guide me through,

I wish you were here
for you would enlighten me, help me understand the complexity of life,

I wish you were here
for you would blow the mist away so I could find my way,

I wish you were here
for you would remove the tainted spots,

I wish you were here
for you have the warmth I need,

I wish you were here
for you would make this journey a more meaningful one

I wish you were here

I wish you were real